apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
