I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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