I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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