ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
