Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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