if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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