This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
