I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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