Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
