my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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