smell my finger.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
