I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
