i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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