All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
