she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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