does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
