Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
God I need to hump something, right now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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