I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need to stop coming to work sober
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
