my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
