Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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