So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
