i was born a porn star she said
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
