OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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