I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
