I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize