I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
