do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
