I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
