he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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