4 words: hood of his car
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
