there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
