i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
