why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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