hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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