I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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