My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
