Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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