It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
