I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
