He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
