Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
