Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
