Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
operation harelip BJ is a go
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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