She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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