Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
