you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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