Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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