I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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