If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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