she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
