actually, I'm a sock model
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
