There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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