Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
