and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
