I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
