her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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