Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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